Not It

A selection of headlines, albeit over the top of wire copy, from the past decade or so of the St. John's Telegram. These were presumably not off-track, contemptible, unfortunate, unnecessary, irrelevant or hurtful:





Ford, second wife, announce separation
N.Y. mayor files for divorce
William Shatner and girlfriend apply for marriage licence in Indiana
Irish wrestle with issue of PM's girlfriend
Cruise, Kidman split
Former prime minister admits affair with MP
Minnelli, Gest separate
Oscar-winner Halle Berry announces separation from husband
[Ontario Premier Mike] Harris 'disappointed' in attention to girlfriend's divorce
Bush brother's divorce produces startling disclosures
Lionel Ritchie's estranged wife wants $300,000 a month in support
Aniston, Pitt split
Sorenstam files for divorce
Denise Richards files for divorce
Prince's wife seeks divorce
Bruce Springsteen separated from wife of 15 years
Sara Evans, husband agree to split cash, work out visitation
Britney Spears files for divorce; cites irreconcilable differences
Doors drummer files for divorce
Bill Murray's divorce finalized
Italian PM demands apology from wife for divorce threat
Sanford latest in long line of politicians caught cheating
Dennis Hopper battling cancer, files for divorce

It (III)

Wakeham recounts how he made an unfortunate, unnecessary, irrelevant and hurtful comment about It, thereby talking yet again about It.

It (II)

In a very unfortunate, unnecessary, irrelevant and hurtful parenthetical comment, Russell Wayne-Gretzky mentions It.

Off-track and contemptible (III)

From the St. John's Evening Telegram (as it then was) of March 14, 1985:

Off-track and contemptible (II)

From the St. John's Evening Telegram (as it then was) of November 2, 1983:

It

So, let's get this straight:

A guest on a CBC Radio program — a guest. Not the host. Not the producer. A guest. A guest on a CBC Radio program blurts out The Thing That You Are Not Allowed To Talk About. You know, It.

And accordingly, in retaliation for... what? Not having a twenty-second delay? Not shooting the guest dead on the spot? CBC, radio and TV alike, is — as Himself might put it — cut off.

Because a guest — A GUEST — blurted It out, The Thing That You Are Not Allowed To Talk About.

OK.

Alright then.



Dear Opposition Parties:

Go on the air on VOCM.

Blurt It out.

Go on the VOCM website, or the Telegram comments boards, or the Transcontinental weeklies.

Blurt It out, if you can blurt with a keyboard.

Blurt It on the Globe and Mail, blurt It on the CanWest dailies, blurt It on CTV News Channel.

Blurtez-le on Radio-Canada.

Blurt, blurt, blurt. Blurt It good.

Blurt till your blurter can blurt no more.

Blurt because, as per the solemnly promulgated Elizabeth Matthews Rule of 2010, if there are any "very unfortunate and unnecessary comments made about the premier" — passive voice, naturally — by a guest, on or in any medium, the Eighth Floor will, consistent with the rule, cut that medium off from any further availability with Himself.

Easy, peasy, lemon-squeezy: you get Him off VOCM, you get Him out of the Telegram and all the other papers, and the daily news agenda will be yours and yours alone.

Let Him have NTV.

You can have the rest.

All you gotta do is blurt.

Right?

Right, bizarre parallel universe up in the sky on Confederation Hill?

Right?

Off-track and contemptible (I)

From the St. John's Evening Telegram (as it then was) of August 15, 1978: