The cabinet shuffle, retrospectively

Once upon a time, there was a guy, Captain of Industry. Captain of Industry had a great reputation as, well, a captain of industry. Captain of Industry played up that reputation and parlayed it into a second career as Glorious Leader. Glorious Leader, whose reputation as Captain of Industry was still then intact, appointed himself as Glorious Leader’s Minister of Business.

Whatever that is.

After all, who better to be Minister of Business – whatever that is – than Captain of Industry?

Yet despite its $1,000,000 budget in 2004, the Department of Business didn’t seem to be all that busy in. It didn’t manage to announce a single thing in 2004.

With $1.4-million to work with, it managed to announce three little things in 2005.

And with a princely $3.8-million in departmental coffers, it has done only Prime Directive.

Highly unusual, given that the media-coverage-obsessed government which Glorious Leader, Captain of Industry (G.L., C.o.I.) heads, has cranked out, on average, well over 1000 pressers per year.

And most of the Department of Business’ public activity has, oddly enough, taken place since G.L., C.o.I., divested himself of responsibility for that department.

At the time that G.L., C.o.I. appointed himself minister, Citizen-Comrade – er, Minister – Dunderdale, said of the Minister of Business that his “considerable business skills” would be an asset in the job. “The premier will be directly involved in order to seal the deal," she was quoted as saying.

As The Telegram reported at the time:

Of the $1 million allotted to the new department, about $275,000 will be spent on executive and support services, with the other $725,000 being used to attract businesses to the province.
There were no further details.

It all sounded — and still does — a little Underpants-Gnomey.

Step one: collect underpants.

Step two:

Step three: Profit!

But it was all part of what the then-Minister of Business called a “two-pronged” approach to solving the province’s sorry fiscal state: get the house in order, then attract lots of new business. And Captain of Industry, Glorious Leader, cannot be questioned, even at his government’s most Underpants-Gnomey.

Fast-forward to July 2006.

After playing up the virtue of a smaller cabinet, G.L., C.o.I. abdicates his Minister of Business crown. Perhaps it lay a little uneasy. It was bequeathed to a new minister, a dauphin, in the form of Kevin O’Brien.

And just in time, too. After all, the primary, if not the sole, function of the Department of Business’ steadily-inflating budget seems to have been to replace the much-vaunted “two-pronged approach” with a three-pronged one.

If there is blowback, fallout... sewage backup, whatever you want to call it... from that three-pronged approach, well, it’s now the Minister of Business – who, coincidentally, is no longer Danny Williams – to clean it up.

It’s hard not to escape the conclusion that this coincidence is especialy staggering. The Premier is the Minister of Sunshine; lesser mortals have full and unfettered jurisdiction over rain, drizzle, and fog.

So we are now treated to the truly sorry spectacle of the Minister of Business – who, again, is no longer Danny Williams – hitting the airwaves and op-ed pages running, explaining away the costs of the branding exercise, and swearing on the PWG that it’s “a fresh new modern image”, a “fresh, distinctive look”, that will “will help us stand out in a crowded and competitive global marketplace”.

Somewhere, probably, he threw in a “quite frankly”, or a “that’s unacceptable”, too. Just like The Master.

And if some people who it supposedly represents haven’t taken to the “brand”, that’s OK. After all, some people will have to be sold on it, convinced to “buy in” if you will.

“It will grow on you.”

Yeah. But so will tinea, if you let it.