Heritage minutes

There is an unabashedly modern and business-oriented line of thinking in St. John's that goes something like this: the downtown area of the city burnt flat in 1892, so everything down there is no more than 118 years old, so what odds if we tear it down and replace it with brutalistic glass contraptions that are about as distinctive as what you'd find in North York or Laval?

Alrighty, then.

Herewith, some potential past and future heritage moments from such a forward-looking citizenry:


St. John's, April 1, 1949 — As a special project to mark the entry of Newfoundland into the Canadian Confederation, the city fathers today announced a new and modern public housing development will replace Government House.

"We believe such a prominent site in our city is worthy of a modern and forward-looking new development," says Mayor Andrew Carnell. "The site is of dubious heritage value, as this outmoded building was only erected 118 years ago, in 1831."


St. John's, April 1, 1966 — As a special project to mark the 100th anniversary of the Canadian Confederation, Premier Joseph Roberts Smallwood announced today that the Smallwood Government is letting tenders for the demolition of the Colonial Building and the erection of a new provincial government edifice on the site, in a modern architectural style, to be called Confederation Building.

"I intend to drag our province kicking and screaming into modern times," Premier Smallwood said today in the House of Assembly. "There is no great sentimental value in this drafty and decrepit pile of stone, which was only built 118 years ago."


St. John's, April 1, 2015 — As a special project to mark His official 50th birthday, The Provincial Government today announced the construction of a heroic statue of Merciful and Benevolent Father Figure Leader atop Mount Williams (formerly Signal Hill), on the site of the recently-demolished Cabot Tower.

"There can be no greater celebration of our heritage and culture, than to celebrate me," Father Figure Leader Williams said. "Replacing this Cabot thing — Cabot wasn't even a Newfoundlander anyway, or Labradorian — with an everlasting monument to me, will be to commemorate Our greatest victories as a people and Our pride, on a go-forward basis. In any case, the Cabot Tower was only built in 1897, just 118 years ago, so it's not a real heritage building anyway."